Won't You Please NOT Be My Neighbor?
Peeps, I have a slight issue going on over here in Sarcasm Land, population 1.
There is the oddest little boy in the neighborhood who has decided that we are his bestest friends in the world and he waits across the street every day, stalking our every move and God help us if we step foot outside of our house because it's then that he pounces and I suddenly have gained an extra child that I can't for the life of me get rid of.
He helps himself to my kids' toys and tries to invite himself inside the house and it's driving me insane! What kid in 2011 thinks it's okay to go into a stranger's house? Where is his adult supervision? It ain't gonna be me. I want to run over there and tell them to watch their own damn kid. If it's not of my own uterus, the kid's not my problem. Ohmygod that'd make an awesome tshirt. Hold on, I'll be right back.
Here, I made one. Buy it. Watch Your Own Damn Kids!
So anyway, I asked people to give me some advice on how to tactfully get this kid to stop bugging us every day. And of course, I got tactful advice, which after hearing, I found doesn't work for me. Things like, "talk to his parents about it" and "politely yet firmly set boundaries for when he can come over." Ugh people. I don't do "tactful" and "polite."
I came up with my own ways to get rid of this pest. Which one is best?
1. Print huge quarantine signs for "active tuberculosis" and paste it all over the house.
2. Hang crime scene tape all over the yard. Maybe put a chalk body outline or two in the driveway.
3. Maybe devil worship decorations for spring? A couple of pentagrams may be useful in this situation.
4. We could become the neighborhood meth house with this:
5. Or this sign may be just what we need to say to them, "stay away, we have serious problems":
Sorry if you're Palin fans and I offended you.
And if you're pro meth users and I offended you.
And if you have active TB, no offense intended.
If you have active TB AND use meth AND you love Palin, then I worry about you.
Actually, if you're offended that easily then maybe we're just not right for each other......
So, which will likely do the trick with this pesky little kid?
There is the oddest little boy in the neighborhood who has decided that we are his bestest friends in the world and he waits across the street every day, stalking our every move and God help us if we step foot outside of our house because it's then that he pounces and I suddenly have gained an extra child that I can't for the life of me get rid of.
He helps himself to my kids' toys and tries to invite himself inside the house and it's driving me insane! What kid in 2011 thinks it's okay to go into a stranger's house? Where is his adult supervision? It ain't gonna be me. I want to run over there and tell them to watch their own damn kid. If it's not of my own uterus, the kid's not my problem. Ohmygod that'd make an awesome tshirt. Hold on, I'll be right back.
Here, I made one. Buy it. Watch Your Own Damn Kids!
So anyway, I asked people to give me some advice on how to tactfully get this kid to stop bugging us every day. And of course, I got tactful advice, which after hearing, I found doesn't work for me. Things like, "talk to his parents about it" and "politely yet firmly set boundaries for when he can come over." Ugh people. I don't do "tactful" and "polite."
I came up with my own ways to get rid of this pest. Which one is best?
1. Print huge quarantine signs for "active tuberculosis" and paste it all over the house.
3. Maybe devil worship decorations for spring? A couple of pentagrams may be useful in this situation.
4. We could become the neighborhood meth house with this:
Sorry if you're Palin fans and I offended you.
And if you're pro meth users and I offended you.
And if you have active TB, no offense intended.
If you have active TB AND use meth AND you love Palin, then I worry about you.
Actually, if you're offended that easily then maybe we're just not right for each other......
So, which will likely do the trick with this pesky little kid?
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