50 Shades of Sexually Frustrated. YES I'M READING THESE BOOKS.

Ok bloggy friends, I totally caved in to the pressure and hype and downloaded the 50 Shades of Grey books written by EL James.  I've read through the first two quickly and figured since the books have encompassed ALL my free time and my dreams as of late, I'd better write about them here.  Kind of like my very own sarcastic and profanity-laden book review.  Here goes.

Why are people reading these books?  Easy.  GRAPHIC SEX.  It's porn on paper, plain and simple.  The main characters, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey meet, experience instantaneous chemistry, go out, and discover that they live to screw each other.  She's a virgin.  He's into bondage and all sorts of naughty acts (as the book calls it repeatedly, "kinky fuckery.")  So that's what they do.  They fuck.  Often.  Every time they're together.  Here's their routine:

Christian looks at her, eyes dark and blazing with passion.
Ana is instantaneously turned on.
They kiss with lots of tongue, moaning, and hair gripping.
Ana's "inner goddess" is always going, Oh my...Holy moly...Oh fuck....
Christian bosses her around and makes her undress.  Then tells her she's beautiful and presses his "erection" against her.
Ana moans and her belly muscles "clench" down deep.
They screw.  She orgasms immediately when he tells her to.  Then he does.
They collapse in exhaustion.

Eventually they fall in love, even though initially he just wanted her to be his submissive.  His childhood was super bad.  She's crazy insecure and annoyingly jealous of everyone.  He's loaded with money and spoils her.

That's pretty much the gist of the first two books without giving anything away.

My thoughts?  The writing is terrible.  Cliche.  Redundant.  Likely more unrealistic than even Twilight.

So why am I tearing through them like a kid with presents on his birthday?


Christian is hot.  Ana is hot.  Their sex is hot.  Did you miss above when I wrote it's porn on paper?
Boys, you don't own the market on enjoying porn.  Many women do too.  As is clearly evidenced by the popularity of these books.  We don't necessarily need to watch people doing it, but reading about it and using our imaginations is just as fun for us.

If I were a doctor, I'd prescribe 50 Shades of Grey to all married women, especially those of us stuck in ruts and bored with our lives.  They're fun, light, and full of dirty sex.

The downsides?  There's only three books, and just reading them has left me 50 Shades of Sexually Frustrated.

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