My Simple-Minded, Not at All Researched, Non-Endorsed, Totally Biased Take on the 2012 Election Year.

Good grief you guys.  The state of our politics in this country is blowing my mind.  I can't even believe what I see and hear anymore about these guys vying for the presidency of the United States of America.
Here's my thoughts on all of these clowns.

Ron Paul, aka the CUTEST Keebler elf around:

FREE COOKIES FOR ALL!

I've gotta admit, the guy sometimes makes the most logical, rational sense out of all of them.  Which is why he'll never win.  We Americans don't seem to like logic and reason.

Mitt Romney

MY GOD YOU PEOPLE SMELL SO.... POOR.

In my humble opinion, this is the only one who could beat President Obama.  But what do I know?
ACTUALLY.... Less hair gel Mitt, that's what I know.

Newt Gingrich

EVEN I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS MANY WOMEN HAVE
MARRIED ME!

I have several problems with this one.  A. He's named after a lizard.  B.  His neck jiggles too much.  C. He's a loser.  Plus?  His wife scares the Botox outta me. See?

Rick Santorum

If you guys follow me on the Twitter, you KNOW how I feel about this sexist, backwards-thinking jerk.  I can't wrap my brain around the fact that so many people are voting for him.  It's like voting to go back in time pre-Women's Suffrage, pre-Civil Rights Movement, pre-electricity and reading of books.

NOW HUSH THERE LITTLE LADY.  NO ONE GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO SPEAK OR VOTE OR THINK FOR YOURSELF.  SHHH.

Who is voting for this guy?

"Duggars endorse Rick Santorum"

AH.  That's where he's gotten all those numbers.  All the Duggars have voted.

They seem like very nice people, by the way.  I like them.  I really do.

Last, the President.

THESE CLOWNS ARE GONNA GUARANTEE ME FOUR MORE YEARS.  IMAGINE MY GRAY HAIR THEN!  SHOULD I GET DYE IT? LEAVE IT?  I CAN'T REALLY SEEM TO EVER FULLY MAKE UP MY MIND.

I'm sure you all can see my point.  Which is why I hereby nominate David Beckham for President of the United States.  I could give a flying fuck that he's not even American.  God bless America AND the Queen on this one.

CAN I GET A HELL YEAH?  

This election would be signed, sealed, delivered, and fucking YUMMY.

Or, you know, maybe SHE'LL reappear.  Good grief.....don't even get me started. 

Disclaimer:  The views in this post are mine and mine alone.  You don't like them?  I don't give a flying hot shit.  I'm a HUMOR blogger.  There's really zero substance to me at all.  Actually, that's not true.  You should see the DEPTH of my love for vodka and David Beckham.  I've got some sonofabitchen substance all up in here for those.