Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Bride. But I Suppose Already Being Married *Would* Put a Damper on Any Future Engagements or Weddings I May Have. Dammit.

 *my title was false.  I should mention that if I were Kody Brown on TLC's Sister Wives, then already being married would so not put a damper on future marriages.  Seriously WTF is up with him and those women? 
 Back on topic now!

My older sister is getting married.    
Hallelujah.
I'd like to personally (cuz a blog post is SO personal) thank the guy marrying her.  He's one step closer to sainthood.
I love my sister and she truly, truly deserves this happiness.  She's marrying a great guy who came along at just the right time because the universe knows its shit and placed this guy on her road in life and she didn't run him over and he was made for her.
They are proof eHarmony is awesome.
Awww....
Having said that I love my sister, I can now say that she's total high maintenance.  And she knows it.
Her fiance is a friggin saint.  I may have to create a shrine to him in my closet with a cardboard cutout of him wearing a halo on his head and fluffy white wings coming out of his cardboard back and scented candles and incense in a circle on the floor around the life-sized cardboard cutout and shiny heart stickers on his forehead and a picture of baby Jesus in his pocket... not that I'm planning it in my mind or anything. That would cause some awkward feelings at the next family gathering.  Probably.

This shrine would NOT take the place of my Mike Wolfe shrine because I gotta stay loyal to my man.  But it could go next to it.  Or behind it.  

Any hoo, I am a bridesmaid.  And I'm helping plan the shower and bachelorette party.

Me, along with my immaturity and lack of common sense and decency, planning a bachelorette party.

Someone didn't exhibit good sense when making that decision, now did they?

With me in charge of a bachelorette party, you're likely to get some or all of the following:

A Betty White "let's partay dawg" cardboard cutout to carry along to all the stops.

We'll all be wearing leopard Snuggie attire.  ROAR!




 Spam hats 









This guy

















Twippy the clown to make balloon animals for random strangers.  Actually, it seems he can't make animals.  Just the shape below.  Totally perfect for the occasion.  He doesn't seem one bit concerned that it leans to his left probably more than it should We could make him guest book attendant at the wedding too.  For fun. 

I'd like to take this lady dancing with us.  Her name is Happiness.  And she makes me happy.  Because she makes my moves look good.

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

This girl too.  No one would try to pull any shit with us if she were there,  cuz she'll cut a bitch.

See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.

Possibly this. But without the cigs, cuz... tacky. Nothing ruins this photo more than the cigarette.  It just doesn't go with the shoes.  Or the cart.  Without the cigarette, then classy awesomeness.

And if we could look up and view heaven on that evening, we'd definitely see this:

 

 Why does she embarrass me so much? *sighs Jesus*

Maybe after reading this my sister will change her mind about me helping.

Or, thank her lucky stars she knows me??