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Yep. It's THAT Topic.

My post today may not be as awesome as they typically are, because I'm in a zone.  A mental preparation zone for what I have to do tomorrow afternoon.  I need to be fully mentally prepared.
Is it a marathon, you may wonder?  Will she be reciting literature in front of an audience?  Is she performing brain surgery?

All valid guesses, but none are correct.

I have my yearly gynecological exam tomorrow.   
dun dun duuuunnnnn... *gasp, cringe, faint in ladylike fashion*

That's right.  Mental preparation is necessary for this.

During my mental preparedness drills today, I've tossed around a few ideas to make this event less scary and uncomfortable.
I have the standard checklist that probably most other women have in preparation for this appointment from hell:
Make sure both legs are shaved.  And not just knee down.  Check.
Make sure socks are matching, nice, and in good condition.  Check. 
Make sure you're not wearing those shoes that get extra stinky too fast.  Check.  
Don't wear underwear that will really dig in and leave those read marks all over your waist.  Check.  
Make sure you didn't leave crumbs from your caramel corn stuck laying around down there.  Check.
Pack purse full of feminine wipes and deodorant spray.  Check. 

Along with this checklist of musts, here's some ideas I have for making this an appointment to remember:

While practitioner is "down there," say, so.... you've seen worse, right? 

Write a note in Sharpie on your inner thigh, or place a sticker down there as a nice surprise.  Not a scratch and sniff sticker, cuz that'd probably be taking it a tad too far into the arena of embarrassing and inappropriate, and we so don't want that, but a glitter or puff sticker would be cool and totally acceptable.  PLUS, it's always a nice gesture to give someone a gift in exchange for their work or service.

Better yet, instead of a sticker or note, how about a fortune cookie fortune?  They could pull the fortune  out, read it, get a nice laugh, smile, and say, thanks for your thoughtfulness.
I know if my nurse practitioner happens to pull a fortune out tomorrow during my appointment, it would totally say,   
you are in the presence of greatness.  



2 Comment:

Aimee January 19, 2011 at 6:35 PM  

Excellent! For some reason, I never thought about taking wipes with me. I just search through all the drawers in the doctor's office while I'm supposed to be undressing. Also, if you go Brazilian like me, make sure your clean-shaven "down there," also. The vag 5 o'clock shadow is totally uncool. I'm a medical transcriptionist, so I'm well aware of the horrors doctors encounter on a daily basis. If you've bathed any time in the past week and at least wipe when you pee, they've still seen worse.

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