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Forget Linda Blair. I'm Dealing with a Haunted Puzzle Here People.

Behold.

It may look like a cute little kiddo puzzle.
I may seem adorable and harmless at first glance.
BUT
This puzzle is a tool of the supernatural.
It's a gateway to the other side.
It's a portal to the nonliving.
A mode of communication for spirits who dwell within my house......

So, I've likely gone a bit overboard on my description, but for seriously people, this puzzle is fucked up.  And haunted.  Probably.  Cuz let's be honest and look at the facts.  It's technically the same shape as a Ouija board.  Plus, there's kinda a pentagram in the center.  And, it was made in China, so it's likely got lead and aluminum and chromium and demons all wrapped up in it.  Valid, scientific reasoning to support my possessed puzzle claim here.

How this puzzle is supposed to work is when you place the little animals in their proper space, the puzzle provides the animal's sounds.  The dog piece barks when the dog is placed in.  The horse piece neighs.  The cat piece meows. The bird piece chirps. The gerbil/hamster/guinea pig (cuz who the hell really knows the difference between all those rodent-type things anyway) makes some squeaky-ass odd noise that I guess a gerbil/hamster/guinea pig makes.  When it's stepped on.

What I've discovered about this puzzle, in my house, is that you do not technically need a living human being to work it.
This bastard makes the animal noises at random When no one is near it. Usually at night when I'm locking up the house and shutting off the lights.  Alone. I repeat, no one is in the goddamn room.  And it makes animal noises. By itself.


For $10.99 I've allowed evil to enter my home.  Goddamn you and your awesome deals, Target.  I couldn't resist the temptation to buy, and ohmygod did anyone else notice like I just did that Target is all red and the employees wear red and red is Satan's color?  And they carry Dirt Devil vacuums!  And there's actually a blog out there on the Internet titled, Target is the Devil.  For reals.  It's all becoming clear now......

 Shit

I did some research on if objects like scary bastard puzzles can actually be possessed.  Turns out, they can, because I read it from some really reliable paranormal source.  I think.  I read that it's less likely the object itself is possessed, it's probably some restless spirit playing with it because said spirit likes it.
OR, the batteries are fucked up.
My money's on the possession option.  Reasonable people would agree.
Some greedy spirit wants my puzzle.
Well you know what ghost person?  It's friggen YOURS!  Take it.  Be gone. Last thing I need is another damn puzzle cluttering my house.  And I don't think I need some spirits cluttering up my shit either.  I don't think that Hoarders show cleans out ghosts.

Someone call the Ghostbusters, stat.  We need an animal sounds puzzle exorcism.

EEK!  The effing fish piece just effing bubbled on its own!!! I'm outta here!!!!!!!!!!

5 Comment:

SherilinR January 26, 2011 at 9:44 PM  

we have some battery operated stuff that speaks on its own periodically too. but you change the batteries & goodbye freaky speaking from the dark.

Penny Lane January 27, 2011 at 10:01 AM  

I think you may have to go all Paranormal Activity on this puzzles as. Cameras, baby powder, night vision, it might come and try to possess you. I suggest you move quickly.

maw013 January 28, 2011 at 7:09 AM  

Calm down. Spirits aren't bad. Just demons! :) As long as no one is hurt, you are ok. I have a spirit in my house, I've named her Bridgit. She likes to ring the doorbell when she wants our attention. She's friendly and just likes to be included in our family/everyday life stuff. She's not always there, just every once in a while. Pets are usually super intune to this stuff. How does the cat respond?

SarcasmInAction January 28, 2011 at 8:08 AM  

I like the baby powder idea.
But I don't want to have to clean it up.
And I swear to Jesus if I wake up and see hoof prints around the puzzle in the baby powder I will pee my pants and sell my house immediately. With the puzzle included in the sale.

Maw...the cat acts as he always does: he moans, pukes up his lunch, then goes to eat some more. I wrote about him here:
http://musingsofasarcasticmind.blogspot.com/2010/12/i-dont-understand-my-cat-meow.html

Miss Rosie January 29, 2011 at 3:09 PM  

I have one of those puzzles for my kiddo's, I believe mine is posessed as well... maybe we should trade up and the demons will get lost in the mail somewhere.

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