How to Kill an Insect in 17 Easy Steps

After my run in with a HUGE sonofabitchen spider this morning, I thought I'd share with you all some tips I have on how to properly and efficiently kill a spider.  Or any mothereffing insect with tons of little squirmy icky legs.  (Have I ever told you guys how much I HATE little bugs with lots of legs?  They terrify me to no end.)
So, here it is.  My steps for killing a bug/insect/spider/creepy crawly/silverfish/"EWWW what is that disgusting thing?!"

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I Have a Feeling that After This Post, Food Network Will Be Calling me For My Own Show.

I'm going to go all Rachel Ray on you for a second and share a recipe.
It's more than just a snack or appetizer or dessert option, it's really a LIFE recipe, people.
This recipe has been passed down in my family for a very long time, so I'm sharing this with love and a need to pass on traditions to future generations.

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Grossest. Story. EVER.

Get a load of this one y'all.
The other day the Hubby changed the Wee One's poopy diaper because I tend to totally lose my sense of smell when she shits her pants.  It's convenient strange how that happens, right? So anyway, he must have been pretty careless about what he was doing and I have no idea how in the love of all that is holy this could have happened, but I innocently walked into the family room and immediately stepped in something warm and squishy.  A toddler turd.  That was on my floor.  And now stuck between my toes.

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SO. MANY. BALLS!

I haven't been able to finish and publish any good posts recently because I've been SUPER busy with work and kids and drinking and sleeping, but I wanted to stop in today just so you all know I'm still alive and kicking and annoying and random as ever.
I'm basically an attention-deficit clown juggling a million balls all at once and the ball labeled "blog" is the one that I let drop because if I drop the one called "kids" that's kind of abuse and I don't want to hurt or ignore my kids. Or go to jail.  I'm not prison material, yo.  I also refuse to drop the balls labeled "booze" and "sleep" for obvious reasons.  Clearly.  It's all about the priorities, people.

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I Said Yes to the Dress. But Then I Regretted it and Cried Like a Baby.

Here's a quick, not-really-funny story for you, but it fits with our theme over at Cheesy Bloggers this week of "Best. Story. Ever."  I like this story because it's real and it happened to me and it's one of those little moments in life where you stop and go HMMM.... fate?  Coincidence?  What the hell was that and how did it happen?
I like this story.  May not be my best EVER, but it's pretty cool.

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