I'm Way Too Lubed Up to Blog Coherently Right Now

I figured if I put lube in a title I'd get more reads.  I'm actually only moisturized.  But I have been lubed up before.  And this girl ain't complaining about the lube action.

I've been chosen to be a Tree Hut "Brand Ambassador" and the deal is they send me new products not on the market yet and I try them for a while then I fill out surveys and send them info back and oh sweet Jesus the stuff they just sent me is so freaking good I can't even stand myself.

It smells awesome and I find myself trying to lick my own arms and I never want to leave my bathroom because I'm taking 30 minute showers to keep smelling the Coconut Lime body wash so my water bill is gonna be HUGE, PLUS, they sent me a new organic olive oil and shea Vanilla Spice lotion that I keep schmearing all over.  Yes, schmearing *is* a word and I carry the lotion with me and schmear all goddamn day long. If you get too close to me?  I may schmear you too.  I think other people want to lick me now too since I smell so yummy.  My life is rough, walking around all smelling good and lickable......

I let my sisters and my sister from another mister Michelle try some lotion too (we were in a parking lot at night but that's irrelevant to my story) and they loved it as well. We were all schmeared with loveliness in a public parking lot.

I buy all my Tree Hut stuff through Amazon because hey, free shipping.  And everything comes in packs of 2 or 3 so you can buy in bulk and stock your shelves.  Which is always good preparation for the zombie apocalypse.

Some bloggers do a lot of product pitching and sponsorship but I'm not one of them because a. I get no PR offers and b. I'm lame so I'm going to plug the hell out of Tree Hut because they are awesome and organic and my skin has never felt nor looked better. Plus, they Tweet on the Twitter and don't seem to mind my inappropriate language, rambling run-ons, and twisted sense of humor.  That doesn't mean they endorse my language and inappropriateness.  There's probably legal stuff involved somewhere and they probably wouldn't want me spouting the F word in any post I discuss their products in.  I really have no idea how this works.  Like, will I get sued if I say, these products are motherfucking genius?  OR, I love them like a fat kid loves a Snickers bar?  Shit.  Now I've probably offended Tree Hut, Snickers, and fat kids.

Tree Hut probably just wanted some nice girl to complete the surveys in a timely manner and then shut the hell up but they got me.  It's kind of their fault, really.  They didn't even ask me to blog about their stuff, by the way.  But I've a giver.  Which means I like to talk too much.  And also? Saying I'm a Tree Hut Brand Ambassador makes me feel important.  I'm putting "Brand Ambassador" on my resume now.  It sounds important.  Kind of like I'm a Duchess or a member of the U.N. or something.

A smell-good, well-moisturized, Peace Keeping Ambassador.

This blog post was not sponsored by, paid for, approved by, nor endorsed by Tree Hut.  I've probably embarrassed the hell out of them just by doing this.  Welcome to the club though, Tree Hut.  I embarrass my loved ones daily.

This blog post was also not sponsored by David Beckham.  Even though he's hot and I love him and want to schmear him with the lotions. SHOULD sponsor my life because I shop from them multiple times per week.

This blog post can be sponsored by vodka and Xanax, so call me guys, okay?

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I am a wife, mommy, and all around productive member of society. Usually. I'm pretty much a legend in my own mind.


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