The One in Which Bad Toilet Paper Sends me on a Downward Spiral.
My workplace buys the cheapest goddamn toilet paper in the universe and yesterday as I sat and wasted 15 minutes of my life going pull....rip.....pull....rip....pull.....rip because it only comes out ONE SQUARE AT A TIME and I'm the kind of person who likes to waste use a lot of paper for quality cleaning, I thought to myself, what next, universe?
Will I discover I'm suddenly out of tampons at the worst possible time? No coffee when I really really need it? Will the clot in my leg finally throw and travel to my lungs and suffocate me to death? Will my Morgellon's disease finally surface? (seriously fellow hypochondriacs, DON'T Google that.)
It's like the asshole universe is kicking me while I'm down.
Things have been going so super good and I've been energized and happy and going and doing and being productive and mature and shit, and then the rug got pulled out from under me by the realization that someone I thought was a friend has never really been a friend to me in the all years we've been "friends."
I'm more mad at myself than anyone because the signs have always been there and that nagging voice in my head has always brought it up but I wanted it to be... well... something it wasn't. A real friendship and shit. You know, one where I tell you stuff first because I like you and when I have something to share I go to you because you have my best interest at heart? And then you do the same, not INGORE ME or avoid me for better people because God forbid anyone even remotely consider the fact we are friends.
I'm such an asshole. I'm like the dumbest sucker ever. And currently the dumbest panic attacking sucker ever. Thank God I'm also the numbest sucker ever. I love you Xanax. I self medicate. Don't judge.
So, the moral of the story is, cheap toilet paper and a bad friendship are both motherfuckers and I'm a moron.
Give me lots of comment love. I need validation.
Will I discover I'm suddenly out of tampons at the worst possible time? No coffee when I really really need it? Will the clot in my leg finally throw and travel to my lungs and suffocate me to death? Will my Morgellon's disease finally surface? (seriously fellow hypochondriacs, DON'T Google that.)
It's like the asshole universe is kicking me while I'm down.
Things have been going so super good and I've been energized and happy and going and doing and being productive and mature and shit, and then the rug got pulled out from under me by the realization that someone I thought was a friend has never really been a friend to me in the all years we've been "friends."
I'm more mad at myself than anyone because the signs have always been there and that nagging voice in my head has always brought it up but I wanted it to be... well... something it wasn't. A real friendship and shit. You know, one where I tell you stuff first because I like you and when I have something to share I go to you because you have my best interest at heart? And then you do the same, not INGORE ME or avoid me for better people because God forbid anyone even remotely consider the fact we are friends.
I'm such an asshole. I'm like the dumbest sucker ever. And currently the dumbest panic attacking sucker ever. Thank God I'm also the numbest sucker ever. I love you Xanax. I self medicate. Don't judge.
So, the moral of the story is, cheap toilet paper and a bad friendship are both motherfuckers and I'm a moron.
Give me lots of comment love. I need validation.
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