Once Again I'm Reminded of Why I Absolutely HATE Working Out. It's too Bad it's Kind of a "Necessary Evil."

I started Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred today, and I already hate it.  It kicked my lard ass and Jillian says "buddy" way too much but I want to have her body (not in a sexual way) so I'm going to do this hellacious workout for 20 minutes every day.  Even Sunday, although I'm supposed to have a day of rest because God says so.  I'm pretty sure God wouldn't want to cross Jillian cuz she'll totally cut a bitch if you keep her from kicking someone's ass in a sweaty, painful workout.

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I'm Way Too Lubed Up to Blog Coherently Right Now

I figured if I put lube in a title I'd get more reads.  I'm actually only moisturized.  But I have been lubed up before.  And this girl ain't complaining about the lube action.
Anywho....
I've been chosen to be a Tree Hut "Brand Ambassador" and the deal is they send me new products not on the market yet and I try them for a while then I fill out surveys and send them info back and oh sweet Jesus the stuff they just sent me is so freaking good I can't even stand myself.

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REALLY, Birds?

Reason #342 of why I hate nature:
Grabbing my car door handle and finding it, and therefore my hand, covered in bird shit.
OH, it's on birds.
It. Is. ON.

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Blogger Challenge Catch Up. Days 3 and 4 Combined Even Though I Should be on Like Day 8

I suck.
There is not hiding it or denying it.
I'm lame.
I've been failing the 100 day blogger challenge left and right.
But, in my defense I have TWO blogs to run, and I'm in charge this week over at the amazing Cheesy Bloggers so go there to see our new writing prompt and spreadable cheese.  It's a GREAT place to be, so join us!

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Day 2 of the Blogger Challenge. You Need a Psychiatric Evaluation for Reading this Stuff.

Day 2 of the 100 Day Blogger Challenge is to discuss the meaning of this blog.
This one won't take long.
There is no real or profound meaning behind my blog.  I literally one day thought to myself, "hey, I can do that blogging thing."  So I took what I'm good at, spouting bullshit, useless knowledge, and dry, sarcastic humor, and started writing about it.  Because anyone can publish their writing these days.  ANYONE.  For free.  My GAWD there's a lot of crap rampant on the Internets, and you being here is evidence A.

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100 Day Blog Challenge. Which Like Everything Else I Do, I'll Start, Then Never Finish.

One of my cheesy BFFs (blogger fabulous friends) Marianna, over at Snappy Surprise, has started the 100 Day Blogger Challenge.  I'm a follower.  I'm doing it too.  Until I give up or get bored with it or just plain forget about it.
Here's how the challenge shakes out:
Day 01- Introduction, a recent photo, and 15 interesting facts about yourself

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I Bet Even Dr. Phil Would Have to Agree that Sometimes, a Throat Punch is *Totally* Your Best Option.

Conversation between the Hubby and myself Thursday night while I'm cleaning the kitchen and he's watching me clean the kitchen.  Asshole.
Me: intently loading dishwasher and humming Glee tunes to myself.
Hubby: Staring stupidly.  Whatcha doing?
Me: Really?  It's not obvious?
Hubby:  Want me to do something?
Me:  No.
Hubby:  using his all time favorite fucking line. What do you mean, no?

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We Caught Meth Germs. Or Herpes. Meth Herpes, Maybe?

For the three day Labor Day weekend, we took off south a little ways to spend a couple days at a waterpark.
First, me in a bathing suit?  EEK.  I apologize to my fellow waterpark patrons.
Second, since I'm a people watcher, I had plenty of opportunity to watch/spy on the general public while swimming.  I learned a LOT about some of my fellow Americans.  I'm trying my best to be less judgmental of others, but it's just so hard when there are toothless women trying to squeeze into tiny bikinis all around you.  *shudder*  It's like they're asking for my ruthless commentary.....  don't worry, I criticize myself just as sharply.

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A One of a Kind Welcome to Seventh Grade

I know how much you all like my stories, so here ya go.
At the end of my sixth grade year, my family moved over 300 miles away from our "home" to take up residence in an entirely new part of the state due to my dad's job.  I went from my birth town of roughly 700 people, to an intermediate town of about 1,500 people, to suddenly a booming metropolis of over 5,000.  Talk about a lack-of-real-culture, culture shock. 

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The One in Which Bad Toilet Paper Sends me on a Downward Spiral.

My workplace buys the cheapest goddamn toilet paper in the universe and yesterday as I sat and wasted 15 minutes of my life going pull....rip.....pull....rip....pull.....rip because it only comes out ONE SQUARE AT A TIME and I'm the kind of person who likes to waste use a lot of paper for quality cleaning, I thought to myself, what next, universe?  
Will I discover I'm suddenly out of tampons at the worst possible time?  No coffee when I really really need it?  Will the clot in my leg finally throw and travel to my lungs and suffocate me to death?  Will my Morgellon's disease finally surface? (seriously fellow hypochondriacs, DON'T Google that.)

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