I'm Like a Superhero. A Bitter, Bitter Superhero.

So today at work I voluntarily took on an extra little "project" because someone else who was originally supposed to do it did such a lame, half-assed, pathetic job it just simply had to be redone and who decides to raise her hand and be all, "me! me! I'll do it! I can totally knock it out in no time flat because I'm awesome"?

You guessed it, *this* girl, points at self in martyr-like fashion, sighs at the burden of being *necessary* and *invaluable* and basically a hero.

Not like I already don't have a thousand zillion things to do...

When I sat down at my computer and opened a new Word document to get started typing, I found I just couldn't do it. It became physically impossible.  I'd stare at the blank page, and then immediately get up and walk away from my desk to find something else to do. Then after a while I'd make myself go back and try again. Yet again, I'd stare, fidget, and proceed to do nothing.  After maybe an hour of doing other actual work tasks, I suddenly got super motivated to get it done. I sat down to type, and ended up typing one effing line before I immediately turned away and straightened my paper piles, sharpened my pencils, surfed the Internets, stared at the document for a bit and avoided it some more, daydreamed, wrinkled my nose at the computer, growled at the computer, emailed a coworker to please God help me get this done. Like even half. Do half please. Preferably the first half cuz then he'd be on a roll and might as well just go ahead and do it all.  No such luck.  Sonofabitch. 

I eventually got myself to type an entire friggin paragraph before my ADD kicked in again.  This time I looked through pages and pages of Natalie Dee archives, got a Mt. Dew from soda machine, emailed more people, texted, did more actual real job work, viewed Honey Badger on YouTube a couple of times, caught up on some blogs, glared and growled at the computer screen again, spun in my chair a few times, and made a rubber band ball.

Then, when I got my ass focused yet again to resume typing, I somehow managed to get pretty much the entire thing done.  Whew.  What a relief. But then, out of nowhere, probably because God hates me, my motherfuckingsonofabitchen computer froze up and I lost the document. Gone.  Poof.  Not recoverable.

You know how you just read about all of my ADD evasive maneuvers to avoid work?  Well, I pretty much did them all again, but this time PISSED the hell off and bitter.  I was pissed at everyone I work with because poor, sweet, saintly, do gooder me, has to do all the ever-lovin work in this Goddamn place, assholes!

Yes, I technically volunteered to do it but doesn't that just mean someone eventually feels bad for me and comes to my rescue, taking it over for me so I don't have to do it anymore?  When did, "yes, I'll go ahead and do it" turn into me actually having to follow through?  UGH.  None of those assholes cares. Like I said, I do everything around that place. (have you spotted any exaggeration yet?) They NEED me. They couldn't function without me.  I'm a frigging superhero, thankyouverymuch.

It took me almost all goddamn day but the effin thing finally got done and turned in.
It's like I saved the world.
And boy am I tired.

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I am a wife, mommy, and all around productive member of society. Usually. I'm pretty much a legend in my own mind.


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