Sonofabitchen Holidays and Their Candy-licious Glory

You guys, I love holidays and gifts and traditions and such, but why oh why must candy be at the center of them all the time? I'm typing this as I pick jelly beans and Starbursts from my daughter's Easter basket and stuff my face with them. I do the same with Halloween buckets and Valentine's day bags and Fourth of July parade sacks. I even take the good stuff, the stuff my daughter totally likes like Snickers and Kit Kats and Twix bars and I don't feel one ounce of shame for eating a seven year old's candy. It's like an addiction that I can't break. Hell, I don't even want to break it.  How can it be wrong when it feels so right?

Isn't May Day soon?
Candy goes in those effing baskets too, doesn't it?
Holy hell.