**UPDATED** The Time I Became a Tree Hugger Didn't Last Very Long Because the Tree and I Got Into a Nasty Fight. And I Think the Tree Won.

As of late, the weather here in Sarcasm Land has been amazing and perfect, so we've been outside a lot enjoying it.

I've found that the more I'm outside, the more I'm contemplating the beauty of nature.  I take more deep breaths, I stop and close my eyes and just feel the breeze.  I look at the different flowers in a new way.  I'm just loving nature this spring.

Like yesterday, for instance.  I was contemplating the big tree in our yard.  I started to wonder how old the tree must be to be that big.  It has to be like, 100 years old or something.  So I stared and smiled at that super old tree in wonder and thought about all the people that have come and gone while that tree has been there, growing and growing.  About the families that have lived in my house before me.  Of the kids that played on and around that tree before me. And how that tree will still probably be there long after I move away, and maybe even long after I die. I'd be gone.  Dead.  And the tree would still be there.

This got me suddenly and inexplicably pissed at the tree because that means it's kind of immortal and I can't be.  So then I think the tree started mocking me a bit because it just stood there all silent and stately and composed and although I may be psychic, I'm not a tree whisperer so I can only assume he was probably all, hee hee. I'm super old and large and in charge and you're gonna die and I'll still be here being all awesome, majestic tree like.

So I kicked the tree.  Hard.  Which only proved the tree's point that it's awesome and I can't even hurt it because my toe hurt instead.

So I tore off some bark, thinking maybe that is like ripping off layers of its skin and has got to be painful.

But, then I discovered that the birds and squirrels are in cahoots with the tree because a twig fell out and landed on my head and the tree AND birds and squirrels were probably, take that, bitch.  Try to hurt us again and next time it'll be bird shit hitting you, not a twig.  Be. Warned.

In my frustrated, temper-tantrum-like state I then threw a rock at the tree.

No response.

Now the tree is acting all mature and better than me and whenever I look out my front window there he is, taunting me with his majesty and how he beat me. I can't let the tree get the best of me, so I've decided to take the high road and ignore the bastard. Now I plan to be all sweet and polite and pay extra attention to the other tree in the hopes the asshat tree will feel jealous and therefore in the battle of me vs. nature, I'll win. And if that fails I'm gonna find a way to attract woodpeckers & termites to it.

I so love spring. I can't wait to go play at the park and take bike rides and instigate more fights with plants. I mean, enjoy nature.

Because I felt my blog needed some spicing up, I tried my hand at my own artistic rendering of me vs. the tree, the ax incident.  Which I can only guess will be happening in the near future if the tree doesn't step off.

No, I'm not a 5 year old just learning to draw.

You're welcome.


The weather was super crappy this weekend but finally cleared up by Sunday afternoon so we bundled up and went outside to enjoy some fresh air and lo and behold what happens?  Clearly the tree has called off our truce because the asshole got some squirrel to toss something at me when I walked under it.  Then I'm pretty sure the squirrel snickered when I gave him the finger.

Tree, it's back on.  No holds barred.

Post a Comment

Contact Me! I Need the Validation!

Fancy Copyright Stuff

Don't steal my stuff.
Read it and enjoy it and love it a little. Or a lot.
But don't take what's not yours unless you ask.
Feel free to link me though. And refer to me a lot. And sing my praises.
End of discussion.
Peace out.

About Me

My photo
I am a wife, mommy, and all around productive member of society. Usually. I'm pretty much a legend in my own mind.


Design by Emporium Digital