Things I Googled This Week

This is the first post in a new series I'm starting that is dedicated to the random things I Google during a typical week.  Because I am a scholar.  And I want to learn things.  And Google is my logical resource.
Remember back in the day when we had to browse through those card catalogs to go find actual books or encyclopedias?  Lame.

I'm currently enrolled in the Ph.D. program at Google University.  And I'm working on my doctorate in Useless Knowledge and Random Information, with a double minor in Satisfying My Odd Curiosity and Diagnosing My Assumed Illnesses.    

And because I'm a giver, I'll even share the answers with you.  I'm smart and cool.

Things I actually Googled this week to learn more about:

What is earwax made of and why is it yellow?
      turns out it's oils and bacteria and natural body secretions to keep foreign bodies out of the ear.  Yellow is normal.

Who did Kim Kardashian made a sex tape with? 
     Ray J

Who is Ray J?
     Brandy's brother.  Singer, songwriter, producer, sometimes actor, full time player.

Who were all the characters on Saved by the Bell?
     Kelly Kapowski, Jessie Spano, A. C. Slater, Zack Morris, Mr. Belding, Lisa Turtle,  Samuel "Screech" Powers.  God I loved that stupid ass show.  Screech turned out to be a jerk.  Zack and Slater still have pretty good careers, plus they're still easy on the eyes.  Who cares about the rest, really.

Can you overuse a vibrator?
     Unfortunately yes, yes you can.  It can cause "nerve damage" and "desensitize the area." 
For the love.  That "nerve damage" shit better be reversible. 

Is it normal to talk to myself?

     Turns out it is.  Big. Relief.  I kept telling myself it was normal, but she wouldn't listen to me.  So we sat down together and Googled it.  Now she believes me and has shut up about it.  Thank. God.  Now if I could get her to stop harping on me when I eat a carb here and there.  What a bitch.

What are signs of lupus?
     Hey people.  My cheeks were really red one morning.  Therefore I assumed it was a butterfly rash.  Therefore obviously lupus.  Turns out?  Dry skin.  
I lucked out.  This time.

What are the chances I'll get bunions as an old lady?
     About 30%.  Footwear, genetics, and foot injuries can contribute. Guess I should quit working and stay home barefoot with my feet up on the couch, watching movies all day.  In my Snuggie.  And when the Hubby asks why I quit my job, I'll say, to prevent the bunions, DUH.  And he'll be all, bunions?  Are you serious?  You need a job.  We need the money and insurance.  And I'll be all, clearly you don't love me because you're wishing bunions on me.  First lupus and numb girlie fun bits, now bunions.  Fuck.

See how fun learning can be?
Until next time, my friends.


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I am a wife, mommy, and all around productive member of society. Usually. I'm pretty much a legend in my own mind.


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