Blogger "Face Off" Round 5

Welcome back to the fifth edition of the fun-filled Blogger Face Off Series!
If you're looking for some laughs today, these two featured bloggers are your women.  They are freaking hilarious, and I truly hope you go check out their blogs and become followers.  Great, great stuff.  Their answers below are just a glimpse into their wit.
For today, our fine non-competitors (remember, it's not a technically a competition) are:

Dawn from This Side of Typical

VS.  Brianne from Chaos Lives Here


Blogger A
Blogger B

Brianne at Chaos Lives Here
Name? (real or assumed)
My birth certificate states 
Brianne, but 7 years ago 
it surprisingly became Mommy.
How did you come up with your blog’s name?
I got tired of hearing the word “typical” as I began to study my son’s autism and wondered where our side of the story was.
Spend a day in my house 
you’ll figure it out. If you 
don’t you’re probably one 
of those, “not the sharpest 
tools in the shed” type of 
people. Then you’re screwed.
How long have you been blogging?
Almost a year
September 2009. And by the
way, that was a fucking hassle. I thought I was answering
questions, not doing research.
Link to your very first post: 

Another hassle since I didn’t
read on before closing my 
blog after the last question. 
Damn, I feel like I’m back in 
high school.
Do you have a motto?  If so, what is it?
Really?  I mean, really, that’s my motto: really?  I am often gobsmacked by the world in general.
A happy wife is a happy life. 
Oh wait, that’s my husbands.
Team Edward or Jacob?

Screw those teenagers.  Team Alcide baby.
Hello! Team Edward! Who
wouldn’t want to be bit by a 
vampire? Did you miss the 
honeymoon chapter in the book? 
Can we say Skinemax?

Corey Haim or Cory Feldman?
Oh dear god.
“I’ve got an idea. Why don’t 
we just spread chocolate all over
the floor and let Chunk eat his way through?”
How much do you love Captain Crunch?
I’m first mate on his ship.  And by first mate I mean I’d trade sexual favors to eat it forever and not gain weight.
As much as I love gaggling 
myself with a spoon. No, I
don’t have an eating problem. 
Unless there is an over eating 
problem. Crap, I think there is.
Scratch all that… No I don’t like Captain Crunch.
Would you rather compete in a hot dog eating contest or a pie eating contest?
Pie.  Definitely pie.  Nitrates kill—and make you retain water.  Also, girls and hot dog eating contests?  Really?
I do love a good wiener.
Favorite swear word:
Fuckity fuck fuck fucker fuck
Favorite swear word or swear 
word you say the most? Favorite would be, cunt. Yeah yeah, I 
know it’s foul and totally wrong.
But it sure gets the person’s
attention. The swear word I say 
the most, which is daily, shit and
damn it. I have a great video of 
my 2 year old saying it. 
Damn it, that is.
How do you like your eggs?
Poached (I know—who let in the old lady, right?)
Cooked. I’m really not a fan 
of drinking raw eggs. Even if it
was the cool thing to do in 
“Can’t buy me Love.”
Who would you rather see do naked jumping jacks:  Jack Nicholson or Aretha Franklin?
Aren’t they dead? Because if not—I’m sure this sort of activity would kill them.
Aretha Franklin. Her fupa 
wouldcover her vajayjay 
while she was jumping. 
There’s something about a 
man with old balls that just 
doesn’t do it for me. Not 
saying Aretha’s fupa does it 
for me either. Oh never mind!
What’s more evil: Possums or Satan?
Possums—have you seen their tails?  Hairless tails are a sign of pure evil
Possums! EWWW!
Should jelly shoes make a real comeback?
Really?   REALLY? 
I thought they did. I’m wearing
a pair right now. Are you trying
to tell me something?
In your opinion, what is our most pressing concern as a society today?
Economic inequality and the state of our educational system.  And the fact that Hawaiians eat an obscene amount of spam.
Our bleeping, bleep, bleep Government.
If avoiding laundry was a sport, how would you place: gold, silver, or bronze?
Special Olympics baby—everyone’s a winner.
I truly believe there needs to
be a medal above gold. Let’s
call it platinum. For myself and
all the other moms who use baby 
wipes to clean their kids shirt
before sending them to school.
If you were royalty, what would your official title be?
Duchess Dawn of course (btw—totally promoted that as a flavor idea to Ben & Jerry’s—strawberry ice cream with chocolate lady-fingers.  This was in conjunction with my friend Penelope—princess of course—whose flavor would have been strawberry with vanilla lady fingers.  Those fuckers turned us down.  Marketing idiots.  Its amazing they’re still in business)
Duchess of Tequila who
drinks a lot.
Please write the first word(s) that comes to your mind for each of these:
Erectile dysfunction
Taco Bell
Miley Cyrus
Erectile dysfunction—Saturday night
Taco Bell—high school
Zombies—double tap
Dandruff—nerd hut
Smurfs—blue balls
Miley Cyrus--whore
Sporks: Sporking? Forking?
Erectile dysfunction: Sucks to 
be married to him.
Taco Bell: Volcano burrito'
w/beans hold the fake meat.
Zombies: Apocalypse
Wine: Headache in a bottle.
Dandruff: Head and Shoulders
Smurfs: Do they get blue balls? 
Or purple?
Miley Cyrus: Skanky.
On a scale of 1-10, 10 being highest, how much do you love my blog?
As much as you love mine. (see what I did there, I turned it around and made it about me.  Because of reasons.)
What a great self absorbed 
question to ask! I love it. 
You and your blog. 10!
Any final words?
Autism affects 1 in 110 kids—AND THEIR PARENTS.  If laughing about our situation makes us bad parents, then call CPS—because there are some funny fuckers out there.
And also, bacon.
My boss will be happy I 
played along in your face-off
instead of working. :) Thanks!

Thanks ladies!

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