Resolutions I May or May Not Follow Through With

2010 was a fantastic year.
Wee One starting walking.  Actually, she went from crawling to a dead sprint, not a technical walk.  And she's still running nonstop.  She's my little marathon woman.  She's starting talking a tiny bit.  She claps for herself and yells, "Yay!" a lot.  High self esteem that girl.  She also says "dat" which is her version of "what's that?"  And "uh oh" is a favorite.  However, she says it before she drops or dumps something, which kinda defeats the purpose, but it's cute as hell.  She also says "bob"quite a bit.  We still aren't sure who Bob is.  And she gives lovely, open-mouthed, sloppy toddler kisses.  HEAVEN.

READ MORE...

Round and Around and Around in a Roundabout

There is a street in town that I avoid like the plaque.  Because for some God forsaken reason, they built a flippin roundabout on that road.  Like we're all cultured and European or something. When we're not.  We live in the Midwest.  Surrounded by pig farms and corn and shit.  Literally.
SO, I can't for the LIFE of me figure out how the damn thing works.  And a circle is like what, the simplest geometric shape ever?  It's not like they put a flippin isosceles triangle in the intersection.  (totally had to Google how to spell that, btw.)  Or a parallelogram. (THAT spelling... all me baby)

READ MORE...

Sushi and Antlers and Friends, Oh My!

I've had a blog post idea dry spell lately.  I went out into the general public to do some shopping today, maybe get some inspirational lube from random people to end my dry spell....
Nothing. 
Nada.
Zip.
I'm so disappointed there was no arguing over $1.87 in the returns lines as I saw a while back.
There was no long lines or line budging.

READ MORE...

Christmas Musings

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly. ~Andy Rooney
I've been cleaning and baking and preparing for Christmas like a madwoman.  I'm walking around in a Santa hat today, (allegedly) looking like a dork.  Quoteth the Bossy Girl.  It's been snowing like crazy outside, making the perfect backdrop to this most perfect holiday.  I simply cannot wait for tomorrow morning when the kiddos wake up a bit too early, giddy with excitement, to see what Santa has brought them.  I love Christmas even more now that I have children.  They bring out the joy and wonder of the holiday in me.  Everyone needs to be near kids when it's Christmas. 

READ MORE...

A Beautiful Morning

I'm not one of those "naturally pretty," can wake up and immediately look amazing, kind of girls.  Not in the least. Not even close.
But this morning was different.
I woke up and found Wee One and Bossy Girl laying in bed with me, waiting for me to get up and start the day. There is no work.  There is no school.  We are on break.  The Hubby got them up and at em, diaper changed on Wee One, then both put in my bed to wake me.

READ MORE...

So Something I Would Do

This morning, in my usual hectic rush to get out of the door to work, I tossed my purse, extra bag, coat, and thermos of coffee in the car before getting in. (I proudly take a giant, construction-worker quality thermos full of caffinated goodness to work everyday.  The Hubby bought if for me so I stop going to Starbucks so much. I don't even care that I may look like I'm about to go roof a house or pave a road, I love that giant, manly thermos of mine.) And, I know I'm not wearing my coat in the middle of winter, but I don't typically wear it because I hate wearing coats while driving, and I run around in such a mad rush every morning I'm already sweating like a fiend and don't need the added layer to make it worse.

READ MORE...

A Whole Lotta Oddness

In my daily browsing of online news sources, I came across the most interesting, and slightly disturbing blog called The Body Odd on msnbc.com.  The post on the blog today is all about a new reality tv show called "My Strange Addiction" on TLC that spotlights people's weird habits and obsessions.  For the entire world to see. This show will premeire next week.  Check out the blog here. 

READ MORE...

A Pseudo-Interview with an Awesome SheBlogger that I Will Now Claim to Know Well. Oh yeah! You Mean Julie the Wife? TOTALLY Know Her. We Go Way Back.

A while back I wrote about my favorite female comedians. here   I sent out  a few email requests to some of my favorite female bloggers to see if they would share which ladies of comedy they enjoy.  And I got a response from one of my absolute favorite queens of blogging: Julie the Wife.  I'm giddy and smiling like an absolute idiot right now because I'm super excited that she replied to lowly old me.  I hope she reads this cuz I'm totally sucking up.  Big time.  Check out her blog, become a follower, and be prepared to laugh. 

READ MORE...

The Post in Which I Contemplate Pee

Warning!  TMI  (Too much information) If you have standards, don't read this post
. 
I am currently having introspective thoughts and deep contemplations, as well as conducting online searches, as to what is up with my pee.
Forgive my bluntness and poor manners, but it's kinda smelling like onions lately.
And I don't eat onions all that regularly.

READ MORE...

Video Musings

I'm going to watch this repeatedly until memorized, and then I'm thinking it's time for a girl's night out! You know  you'd all wanna come with and be there when I bust a move like this! Double Dream Hands!
See more funny videos and TBT at Todays Big Thing.
This woman can't have ANY friends. She doesn't emanate health, she emanates asshole-ism. My favorite line is when she states she "makes her living off of  five inches."  How does this distinguish her from a male escort?

READ MORE...

I Got My Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind

I'm sure you all remember I had a birthday last week.  (if you've totally forgotten, or it's your first time here, then all you need to know is I turned 24.  Yeah, 24.  That's it.....)
I ranted pessimistically and sarcastically about my birthday, but now that it's over, I'm having positive, happy, shiny thoughts about it. 
Why, you may ask? Cuz I made me some MONEY!!!  OOH OHHHH!!

READ MORE...

One of Those Mornings Where All the Littlest Things Go Wrong and I Have a Temper Tantrum, Thereby Securing Some Therapist's Job for Years to Come

It all began when I overslept, YET AGAIN.  Ugh!  Whoever invented the snooze option was clearly messing with me.  I was happily sleeping and dreaming that I was in New York City, filming an episode of The Best Thing I Ever Ate.  In my dream, I was a famous chef, and was sharing my favorite deli sandwich in the city.  When filming was done, I went and had lunch with some other chef.  You may have heard of her, Giada de Laurentis.  Maybe not.  She's not quite as infamous as me yet.  Anyway, all through our famous, pretty chef lunch (pretty Giada, not me), I was biting off those acrylic nails you get at a nail salon and spitting them in the bread basket.  Weird. (Weird because I typically bite my nails off during breakfast, not lunch. LOL).  I was enjoying the dream when my alarm jolted me awake at 5:35.  It's set at 5:35 because it just feels not as early as 5:30, but not as late as 5:45.  Just go with it for me people.  I wanted to get back to my NYC lunch, so I hit snooze.  More than a few times. 

READ MORE...

Tales of a Fugly Sweater Saturday

Well, I've gone from overly prolific blogging to a sharp downturn in my posting production recently.  I'd love to blame it on being super busy, but alas, it's simply because I've been super lazy. My weekend started out fun, and ended up with me on the couch with a bag of chips, Edward Cullen on my big screen, and a nap.
I spent time with some good friends and all our kiddos for my birthday on Friday.  We had a great night eating and chatting as normal grown ups with kids do.

READ MORE...

I Don't Understand My Cat. Meow.

There are many things in life I do not understand.
I don't understand physics.
I don't understand how cell phones can send text messages to other phones through mid air.
I don't understand how computers work their magic.
I don't understand how cars run or how to fix them if they stop running.

READ MORE...

It's a Crisis People! Take Shelter!

When I think of the word "crisis," I think of something both very serious and very bad, possibly life-threatening even.  Like war, famine, a natural disaster,  that Cuban missile thing, Britney Spears' hair, a zombie attack, pandemic, Starbucks running out of coffee......
But the current "crisis" I just read about in the news today scared me to the core.  I never imagined that it was even a possibility, but you've gotta know what our world is coming to people.

READ MORE...

A DMV Journey

This week I had to take the once-every-four-year trek to the DMV to renew my driver's license.
I take this very seriously because last time I had to renew my license, I was a tad bit late.
And by tad bit, I mean almost five months late. 
But come on, who really checks out the expiration date on their license frequently, right? 
They're kind enough to give you a grace period, but apparently 5 months is considered "excessive," so my butt had to take that damn driver's test. The same one I took when I was 16, and then promptly forgot all about.  I don't remember how many questions there were, but I do remember that you can only miss 6 and still pass.  I'd already missed 5 and was down to the very last question when I started to sweat a bit. 

READ MORE...

It's My Birthday....Well, La De Fricking Da.

Well, I might as well face it.  I'm aging.  I haven't been inspired enough to complete a post I'm working on about my hatred of crow's feet.  (but seriously guys, I hate them with a passion.)  And don't get me started on what gravity is doing to parts of me.  Ugh.  I will be 33 years old in three days. THREE days.  And I'm torn between being happy I've lived this long, and dreading being another year older.

READ MORE...

Santa's a Pimp

**Alert: This post is probably not for the seasonally sensitive people who revel in the glory and holy sanctity of Christmas.  I know that Jesus is the reason, peeps, I'm just having a little sarcastic fun.**
Hasn't anyone ever wondered why Santa's infamous tag line is "Ho, Ho, Ho"?
I think I may have discovered the reason today.
Just LOOK what I found when attempting to clean the chaos that is our basement toy room:

READ MORE...

Starstruck

I've just barely calmed down enough to write about this.  I had the most amazing experience today.
I was leaving work when I noticed a familiar-looking white van parked right next to me.  I had to do a double-take and stare for a second for it to finally sink in.  I KNOW that van. It slowly became clear to me how I knew that van as I read the letters on the side logo: "Antique Archaeology."  WHA???!!  The American Pickers van is right here within my reach?  O.M.G.  I love that show!

READ MORE...

12 Days of Christmas, Sarcastic-style

  To the tune of, "Twelve Days of Christmas"
On the 1st day of Christmas, the universe gave to me...
A possible case of whooping cough and a sneeze.
On the 2nd day of Christmas, the universe gave to me....
2 nice new pimples
And a possible case of whooping cough and a sneeze.

READ MORE...